Category Archives: Infertility

It’s Never Good When the Doc Says, “That’s Weird.”

My three precious boys!

My three precious boys!

It’s been one month since we welcomed the newest member of our family, our sweet baby boy.

One month! My how time flies!

So much has happened in this month. Not only did we celebrate Baby Boy’s birth, but we celebrated our oldest son’s seventh birthday, celebrated my husband as Teacher of the Year from his school, and lost a dear friend to cancer. We also saw our baby son’s first smiles, first bath, and first moments with his older brothers. Nothing could be more precious.

Like I said, so much has happened.

Since I’ve been away from the blog for the past month, I hope you’ve been enjoying the guest posts. I have to thank Jessica Patch, Beth Vogt, Wendy Miller, Amy Simpson, Melissa Tagg, Lindsay Harrel, Katie Ganshert, and Olivia Newport for their brilliance in guest posting while I was on “maternity leave.” I appreciate you ladies more than you know!

So let me tell you a little story about how we welcomed our son into the world. It’s a good one.

I went to the doctor the day before my due date (which was April 3) still showing no signs of labor. I was frustrated, of course, because I was too close to my due date to be showing no signs. After all, with both of my previous pregnancies, I was dialated and effaced by 39 weeks.

Going on my previous experiences, I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t ready to give birth so close to my due date. After all, both of my other boys were born at 39 weeks, induced because of my gestational diabetes.

So after seeing my doctor that day, he decided that I could be induced on Friday, April 5, even though I was showing no signs. After all, he was taking pity on a woman who was at the end of her rope pregnancy-wise.

Here’s the kicker, though– my doctor wouldn’t be there to induce me. That week was Spring Break around here and he was going on vacation, leaving me to be induced by the doctor on call. My alternative was to wait an additional week before an induction, so I was fine with the doc-on-call. I’d seen him before and had no reason to doubt anything would go wrong. And to be honest, I just wanted to hold my son. ASAP.

Fast-forward to that Friday. We show up at the hospital at 5:30 am. I’m expecting the induction to go just like the previous 2. First a pill, lots of walking the halls, then when the contractions really start to kick in, the Pitocin would be introduced. By then I was hoping to have my epidural.

When the nurse checked me that morning, I was dialated zero. ZERO. Still no signs that our little boy wanted to be born. So she hooked me straight up to the Pitocin which not only kicked in contractions right away, but I was tied to the bed because I had to be on monitors because of the Pitocin. So no walking.

**Side note– I had the greatest nurses ever, praise God.**

Immediately I knew something was…different. I had this feeling… I told my husband, “This isn’t going to work. Something isn’t right here.” The contractions didn’t hurt.

Now let me just share with you that in my previous 2 inductions, Pitocin was known as “the devil’s juice” because it made my contractions nearly unbearable. The epidural was my saving grace.

I expected that this time. I waited for it to happen. But while the contractions finally built up to being about 2 minutes apart, they didn’t hurt. They were uncomfortable at most. And with each contraction, I felt the baby moving up into my rib cage. This is the opposite of what should be happening, yeah?

So I told the nurse. She checked me. Six hours on Pitocin and still no dialation. She said she would contact the doctor. First she cranked up my Pitocin to the max amount.

Keep in mind that I had been at the hospital six hours and still hadn’t seen the doctor on call. I was feeling pretty rattled at this point, wishing my doctor was around, and wondering if the baby would ever be born.

Two more hours go by. The contractions STOP. No joke. Eight hours on Pitocin and my body was overloaded. The contractions simply stopped.

At this point the nurse tells me that I have two options– one, go home. They’ll label it a “failed induction,” I’d see my doctor again the following week and then re-try the induction at his discretion. Option two– I could stay at the hospital overnight, they’d give me the medication to soften the cervix, and then start the induction over again on Pitocin in the morning.

At this point it’s 2 pm and I’m on the road to Freak-Out Town. Go home? Stay overnight to start again in the morning? Neither of those options was acceptable to me. I was supposed to be holding a baby in my arms already.

Since I was feeling especially frustrated and really tired, I decided that I wanted to go home. I had pretty much had it. Plus, I was starving.

My awesome nurse brought me some crackers and peanut butter and encouraged me to eat, feel better, take a few minutes to think it over, and hopefully decide to stay.

I ate the crackers. I still wanted to go home.

My nurse (seriously, she was fantastic) insisted that I see the doc on call before I went home. She called him and he came right over.

He checked me and said, “That’s weird.”

Yeah, words you don’t want to hear from a doctor. He looks at the nurse and asks for the ultrasound machine.

“I don’t feel a head,” he said.

Immediately I felt better. Know why? Because I knew it. I knew that our little stinker wasn’t in the right position. Why else would I be feeling him move up rather than down?

So the doc does an ultrasound and sure enough, Little Man has his head firmly wedged in my ribcage (which I could totally feel). He is what the doc calls “weirdly transverse” and not at all in the position to be born.

“C-section time!” Doc says.

Woo-hoo! I celebrate. Not because I want to have a c-section, but because I have an answer as to why why why why why this little boy wasn’t ready to be born.

Enter the anesthesiologist to prep me for surgery. “I ate crackers,” I say. He hangs his head. “Six hour wait time,” he says.

7 pm nursing shift change. Enter my angel, my friend Camille whom I have known for a few years, a nurse in L&D at the hospital. She’s going to be my nurse for the night. Praise the Lord!

So finally, just before 8 pm, I’m wheeled into the operating room.

I didn’t handle the c-section so well. My blood pressure bottomed out and for the entire length of the procedure I felt like I was going to lose consciousness. I never did and I was assured that I was okay, but it totally felt like an out-of-body experience to me.

“Hang on,” says the doc. “I can’t get a grip on him. He doesn’t want to come out.”

Clearly our youngest son likes to do things his way– including his birth. He simply did not want to be born!

Anywho, long story short, our son entered the world at 8:02 pm that night.

Here we are! That’s my hubby holding the baby.

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Not at all the way I’d planned or the way I thought it would go, but the way God knew all along. I wouldn’t have chosen a c-section myself, but He had other plans.

When I finally saw my regular doctor the next week and told him this whole story he responded with, “No way. That is so weird!” He also told me that he was positive that every time he checked he felt our baby as head down. I’ll cut the doc some slack since his right hand was broken and in a cast and he had to feel with his left. Perhaps a bottom feels like a head when you’re using a different hand than normal.

So Little Man is here, he’s safe and healthy and perfect, and we have a good story to tell about his birth. “Weirdly transverse” has become a regular part of my vocabulary now.

Once again I’d like to say that I am sincerely grateful to the nursing staff at the hospital. Every single one of them was a huge blessing to me. Thanks, ladies!

Whew! What a month we’ve had!

Share with me: What’s the big news in your life in the last month or so?

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Building a Family the Non-Traditional Way– A Guest Post from Katie Ganshert

puzzle 2

I don’t remember the exact details of how Jennifer and I met, I just know that writing brought us together. We started emailing back and forth and soon discovered we had many things in common.

One being that we both struggled with secondary infertility.

Like Jenny, I was able to get pregnant with our son, who is now four, without any problems. My husband and I took for granted that we’d be able to have another. But after a year and a half of trying, we started to realize that maybe it wasn’t going to happen.

With every negative pregnancy test and every day Brogan got older and every time well-intentioned people asked, “When are you going to give that son or yours a little brother or sister?”, the vision I had for our family began to fade. I won’t lie. The fading was painful.

At the time, I didn’t understand why we couldn’t conceive. There was no medical explanation for it. On paper, we should have been able to get pregnant. So why wasn’t it happening?

Here’s what I’m learning about God:

He doesn’t just close a door to close a door. He closes a door in order to open another.

For us, that other was adoption.

It wasn’t a coincidence that as we struggled with infertility, God kept bringing people into our lives who were adopting. It wasn’t a coincidence that eight years before, for no apparent reason, I wanted to move to Africa so I could love on kids in orphanages all day. It wasn’t a coincidence that God gave me a husband with a tender, tender heart for the helpless and the hurting.

He’d been preparing me to say Yes long before I ever knew adoption was on the table.

So we did. We said yes.

I’ve been paper pregnant for 17 months now, with at least six months left to go.

It hasn’t been easy. In fact, it’s been incredibly hard.

But I’ve experienced first-hand how very much God meets us in the hard. He’s present through it and He has a purpose for it.

He has used the agonizing waits and the endless paperwork and the strain of finances and the ups and downs that inevitably come with adoption to bring forth a fierce, uncompromising love for a child who’s not even mine yet.

He has used this crazy journey to infuse an emotional intimacy in my marriage that wouldn’t have been there otherwise.

He has used the heartache and the unknown to draw me closer and closer to Him.

And I can honestly say, no matter how hard it’s been, that there is no other path I’d rather be on than this one.

If you’d like to join us on this path, you can! We are in the process of raising the rest of the funds we need to bring this precious child home from DR Congo. All that’s involved is a puzzle, a sharpie, and 500 willing hearts. 385 have stepped up so far. Might you considering being one of the 115 remaining? For $10, you can sponsor a piece of our little one’s adoption puzzle (see photo above!!). We will write your name on the back and when the puzzle is complete, we will frame it in double-sided glass and hang it in our child’s room—a beautiful testimony to just how loved and wanted this little one was.

We have 115 pieces left to go! All donations are tax-deductible.

Please shoot me an email (ganshertadoption@gmail.com) if you’d like to donate!

Let’s Talk: What unexpected doors has God opened in your life?

headshot-1-e1332716813182Katie Ganshert was born and raised in the Midwest, where she writes stories about finding faith and falling in love. When she’s not busy plotting her next novel, she enjoys watching movies with her husband, playing make-believe with her wild-child of a son, and chatting with her girlfriends over bagels. She and her husband are in the process of adopting from the Congo. You can find her online at her blog and on Facebook.

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The Question that Disturbs Me the Most This Pregnancy

No, this is not my belly. I don't do pregnancy belly photos. :)

No, this is not my belly. I don’t do pregnancy belly photos. :)

Not too long ago I posted about what NOT to say to a pregnant woman. You know, just some friendly advice for people who mean well but really have no concept of a filter on their mouths.

This is a little addendum to that, if you will.

– Last Sunday after church we had lunch with my husband’s family. As soon as his grandmother saw me it was, “Wow, you’re getting huge! Sure you aren’t having twins?”

This is the first time during this pregnancy that someone has asked me this question, and it’s a question that women all over the world never, ever want to be asked, because the real translation of this question is : “You are gigantic.”

I know she meant well and I’ll cut her some slack because she’s family, but… still. Don’t ask a woman if she’s having twins, especially when you know she’s not.

Pregnant women are hormonal. You take your life in your hands. :)

When people ask if I’m having a boy or girl and I tell them we’re expecting our third boy, the follow-up question is almost always about the ages of my other children. When I reply that my sons are six and three and will be almost seven and four when the baby comes, it almost never fails that one of the following is the response– “Why did you wait so long?” “Wow. That’s a lot of years between kids.” And my personal favorite (and this came from a woman who is also currently expecting), “Oh my gosh. I could never have my kids that far apart.”

Here’s my go-to response, “Well, it wasn’t our choice to wait so long in between children, but God knows so much better than we do and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

I mean, honestly, do I have to go into my entire medical history and our fertility issues with complete strangers?

Sometimes I want to punch people right in the face. I do. I blame hormones. (But there’s part of me that wants to punch even when I’m not pregnant.) Again, I know they mean well, but c’mon folks. It’s nun-ya business how many years people wait between having children. Whether they want that age gap (some do) or they wait on God’s timing (like us), you should have nothing to say about it, k?

If you feel the words bubbling up and you absolutely have to say something, then may I suggest, “It’s great that your kids are older. They’ll be wonderful helpers when the baby comes.”

Caucasian Baby Boy In A Blue Stroller Carriage, Looking Over The Side Clipart Illustration

And now for the question that has gotten under my skin more than any other during this pregnancy. I have been asked countless (literally) times, sometimes by friends, most of the time by complete strangers… “So, are you going to try for a girl?”

The answer to that question, ladies and gents, is NO. No no no no no no no.

We have never tried for a girl or a boy. With each of our three children, we’ve prayed for a beautiful child.

I’ll tell you why I really, really, really hate that question.

1. Most of all, it implies that this precious baby boy that I’m carrying isn’t special. It implies that he’s just a number among the other boys and that he doesn’t matter. It implies that he wasn’t created specifically for our family by God as one of His greatest blessings, which I believe this little man was. He is special. He is a miracle. He is one of a kind. He is being knit together in my womb by the Creator, who already knows everything about him. And his mommy, daddy and two big brothers cannot wait to meet him.

2. It implies that my husband and I can’t feel happy and blessed without a daughter. God has designed our family specifically in his timing, with his perfection. I’m blessed beyond what I can imagine, and I would never, ever change it.

3. “Trying” for a specific gender is insane. I know that people do it. I know that there are those who want to design their families themselves, but I’m not one of them. I learned a long time ago to leave it up to God.

– May I suggest a better question, if you really must get into personal business? How about asking whether or not we plan to have more children in the future?

I can tell you now that that question remains unanswered. While we are fairly certain that this will be our last biological child, we’ve had many conversations already about our desire to love more kids. How God will bring that about is, once again, up to Him.

Just a bit of friendly advice to help you along in conversation with a woman who is expecting.

I know people mean well. I know they have good intentions. And I’ve put my foot in my mouth plenty of times, too.

Share with me: Have you ever put your foot in your mouth? Want to tell me about it?

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